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E-M:/ Fw: Noah's Ark (In the 90's) (fwd)



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Enviro-Mich message from "Delavan Sipes" <delavan@cybersol.com>
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Sagady, please forgive me, but this bit of humor from my friend at Western
Michigan University is to valuable to keep to myself.
delavan@cybersol.com

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> From: hughes@wmich.edu
> To: DAVID DICKASON <david.dickason@wmich.edu>
> Cc: alan kehew <alan.kehew@wmich.edu>; greg <gregory.anderson@wmich.edu>;
Delavan Sipes <delavan@cybersol.com>; david.lemberg
<david.lemberg@wmich.edu>; John Sych <JCSYCH@kalcounty.com>
> Subject: Fwd: Noah's Ark (In the 90's) (fwd)
> Date: Tuesday, February 03, 1998 5:21 PM
> 
> Hope you enjoy this!
> 
> Lauren
> 
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> Date: Sun, 01 Feb 1998 17:09:33 -0500 (EST)
> From: Rachel L Hughes <hughesra@pilot.msu.edu>
> To: mom <lauren.hughes@wmich.edu>
> Subject: Fwd: Noah's Ark (In the 90's)
> 
> 
> >
> > Noah's Ark... If it happened today
> >  And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to
> > make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the
evil
> > people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of
> > every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build
An
> > Ark."And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for
an
> > Ark."
> >  Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the
> > blueprints."Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord.
"You'd
> > better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."
> >  Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall.The
> > Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there
was no
> > Ark."Noah," shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?"
> >  "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there
> > were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark
> > construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire
an
> > engineer to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether
or
> > not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
> >  "Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
> > building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
city
> > planning commission.
> >  "Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there
> > was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince
the
> > U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I need the wood to save the Owls. But they
> > wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
> >  "The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
> > negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
> > anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters
going
> > on the boat, and still no owls."Then I started gathering up animals,
and
> > got sued by an animal rights group.They objected to me taking only two
of
> > each kind."
> >  Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't
> > complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on
your
> > proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no
> > jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.
> >  "Then the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new
> > floodplain. I sent them a globe."Right now, I'm still trying to resolve
a
> > complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how
many
> > Croatians I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets,
claiming
> > I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got
a
> > notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really
don't
> > think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah
wailed.
> >  The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched
> > across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled."You mean you're not going to
> > destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.
> >         "No," said the Lord sadly, "Your government already has."
> > _______________________________________________________________
> > ARI'S HUMOR LIST
> > by Ari Lifschitz
> > For a free subscription:
> >  Send e-mail to: aris-humor-Request@MyList.net
> >  Body of Message: subscribe
> > To unsubscribe:
> >  Send e-mail to: aris-humor-Request@MyList.net
> >  Body of Message: unsubscribe
> > To contribute a joke:
> >  Send your jokes to: owner-aris-humor@MyList.net
> >  Do not send copyrighted material
> > Keep on Laughing...
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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> > From: "Fairbanks, Michael J" <Michael.J.Fairbanks@jci.com>
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hellman@tir.com,
> >         carrie_mcgowan_at_cmitc@smtp.cmi.com, acm5@chrysler.com,
> >         "Ptak, Kenneth R" <Kenneth.R.Ptak@JCI.Com>, kar@heartport.com,
> >         "Yeager, Robert L" <Robert.L.Yeager@JCI.Com>,
> >         "Vitale, Nancy A" <Nancy.A.Vitale@JCI.Com>,
> >         "Urosev, Srdjan" <Srdjan.Urosev@JCI.Com>,
Michael_J_Thomas@JCI.Com,
> >         Michael_L_Szott@JCI.Com
> > Message-Id: <86256595.0043BA67.00@Corpnotes.JCI.Com>
> > Date: Fri, 23 Jan 1998 07:22:59 -0500
> > Subject: Noah's Ark (In the 90's)
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> >
> 
> 

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