[Date Prev][Date Next][Date Index]

E-M:/ [Fwd: The Dam Government]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enviro-Mich message from Scott Heinzman <sheinzman@prodigy.net>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings all;

I came across this from a humor list-serve I receive. It would appear
the DEQ is a good source for a chuckle. 

Enjoy,

Scott

> 
> This was an actual letter from and a reply to the Michigan
> Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan:
> 
> Mr. Ryan De Vries
> 2088 Dagget
> Pierson, MI 49339
> 
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
> 
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1 T11N, R10W,
> Sec. 20, Montcalm County
> 
> It has come to the attention of the Department of
> Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized
> activity on the above-referenced parcel of property. You have
> been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did
> the following unauthorized activity: Construction and
> maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream
> of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this
> type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no
> permits have been issued.
> 
> Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
> violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
> Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
> Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> Compiled Laws, annotated.
> 
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
> partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
> flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature
> are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.
> 
> The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
> unauthorized activities at this location, and to restore the stream to
> a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
> dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
> completed no later than January 31,1998.
> 
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed
> so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
> Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
> activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated
> enforcement action.
> 
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
> matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have
> any questions.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> David L. Price
> District Representative
> Land and Water Management Division
> 
> RESPONSE
> 
> Dear Mr. Price:
> 
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20;
> Montcalm County
> 
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me
> to respond to. You sent out a great deal of carbon copies to
> a lot of people, but you neglected to include their addresses.
> You will, therefore, have to send them a copy of my response.
> 
> First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal landowner and/or
> contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan - I am the legal
> owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
> process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris"
> dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I
> did not pay for, authorize, nor supervised their dam project,
> I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
> use of natural building materials "debris." I would like to
> challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
> project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I
> can safely state there is no way you could ever match their
> dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity,
> their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
> dam work ethic.
> 
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that
> they first must fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this
> type of dam activity.
> 
> My first dam question to you is: (1) are you trying to discriminate
> against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all
> beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
> If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
> through the Freedom of Information Act I request completed
> copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that
> have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam
> violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
> Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,
> Act 451of the Public Acts of 1994,being sections 324.30101
> to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
> 
> I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the
> beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond
> Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for
> said representation - so the State will have to provide them
> with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either
> one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event
> causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence
> which the department is required to protect. In other words,
> we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
> harassing them and calling their dam names.
> 
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
> - please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest
> them (they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam
> letter -- being unable to read English) -- be sure they are read
> the Miranda rights first. As for me, I am not going to cause
> more flooding or dam debris jams by interfering with these
> dam builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers -- be
> aware I am sending a copy of your dam letter and this
> response to PETA. If your dam Department seriously finds
> all dams of this nature inherently hazardous and truly will
> not permit their existence in this State -- I seriously hope
> you are not selectively enforcing this dam policy - or once
> again both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will scream prejudice!
> 
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right
> to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue,
> the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have
> more dam right than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.
> If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
> Protection lives to its name, it should protect the natural
> resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
> 
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case
> can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right
> now. Why wait until 1/31/98?  The Spring Pond Beavers
> may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way
> for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
> 
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the
> bears. Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely
> believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and
> leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the
> beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful
> where they dump!)
> 
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being
> unable to contact you on your dam answering machine,
> I am sending this response to your dam office via another
> government organization - the dam USPS. Maybe, someday,
> it will get there.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Stephen L. Tvedten
> 
> cc: PETA
> 
> _______________________________________________________________
> ARI'S HUMOR LIST
> by Ari Lifschitz
> 
> For a free subscription:
>         Send e-mail to: aris-humor-Request@MyList.net
>         Body of Message: subscribe
> 
> To unsubscribe:
>         Send e-mail to: aris-humor-Request@MyList.net
>         Body of Message: unsubscribe
> 
> To contribute a joke:
>         Send your jokes to: owner-aris-humor@MyList.net
>         Do not send copyrighted material
> 
> Browse the archive:
>         The Ari's Humor List arhive is available at:
>         http://www.liszt.com/read/aris-humor
> 
> Keep on Laughing...

==============================================================
ENVIRO-MICH:  Internet List and Forum for Michigan Environmental
and Conservation Issues and Michigan-based Citizen Action.   Archives at
http://www.great-lakes.net/lists/enviro-mich/

Postings to:  enviro-mich@great-lakes.net      For info, send email to
majordomo@great-lakes.net  with a one-line message body of  "info enviro-mich"
==============================================================