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E-M:/ THE CYNIC....ON MDEQ ORGANIZATIONAL IMPROVEMENT



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Enviro-Mich message from "Alex J. Sagady & Associates" <ajs@sagady.com>
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THE CYNIC HAS THE ANSWER for John Engler's and Russ Harding's organizational 
management problems with whipping the Michigan Department 
of Environmental Quality into shape as an industry-beholden, 
customer-driven organization with today's news item:

The solution comes from Korea....

=========
SEOUL (April 4, 1999 ) - South
Korean scientists have succeeded in cloning a cow and hope to use
the technology to mass produce the animal, according to the science
and technology ministry. 

"Jean-ie," a calf cloned from genes taken from a 980-kg (2,205-lb)
adult cow, was born last Saturday, the ministry said in a statement. 

"In the near future, we hope to distribute such cloned embryos to local
farms to produce more of the large cows for their meat," said Kim
Ho-seung, assistant director of the ministry's research and
development division. 
==========

It's obvious now, isn't it....  Michigan civil service regulations and 
the classified executive service contracts used for division chiefs
must be changed to conform to the new genetic engineering reality.....the
cloning of 
MDEQ Division Chiefs.

That's right, it should now be technically feasible to take one of 
Russ Harding's hangnails and make a brand new cloned MDEQ 
division chief.    Just think of the possibilities.....   If the Koreans can 
clone "large cows for their meat," a newly formed  MDEQ Genetic 
Biotechnology Organizational Improvement Research Laboratory 
can certainly clone Russ Harding for Division Chiefs with desireable
qualities....

....like handing out permits to industry to do anything they want and 
instituting economic theory-based, cross natural resource
trading programs (let's allow a developer to trash a wetland if
they build a boat ramp or buy 10 tons of nitrogen dioxide emission 
reduction credits;   or how about allowing an endangered species 
habitat to be an ORV track if the developer starts a voluntary mercury 
thermostat collection program).

....genetically engineered Harding-cloned division chiefs would, of 
course, leave all of the enforcement up to EPA.   They would be 
genetically deprogrammed so they could not even say the word;
I can even hear their futile, frustrating attempts now....

"enforgement...errr...infexpungement.....enfrodesiac...." 

Simply heartbreaking!!    ....be sure to put them out of their misery ASAP
by giving them a copy of the EPA Region 5 notices of violation 
as soon as they're issued.

No more having to rely on that untrustworthy group of holdover MDEQ employees
to decide who to promote.....Let's create uniform organizational regulatory 
philosophy from the top down like its supposed to be.

Of course, the development of new technologies like Harding-cloned
MDEQ Division Chiefs creates certain problems....like what to do 
with all of the current division chiefs.....   The answer, of course, is 
to rely on  "lateral transfers"

The best use of non-cloned old style division chiefs could be to let them
sit everyday in a committee over at John Engler's Office of 
Regulatory Reform (ORR).   ORR can then do the opposite of 
whatever the Committee of Non-genetically Transformed, Laterally
Tranfered Division Chiefs recommends on environmental rules relaxation.
Eventually they'll get bored and they'll probably take an "early out" if
we offer it to 'em.

But why stop at MDEQ Division Chiefs??  How about cloning for 
MDEQ's environmental quality analysts, toxicologists,  permit writers and other 
specialists??   You could probably get all of the genetic material
you need from the environmental staffs at Detroit Edison, Dow, Ford,
the Michigan Manufacturer's Association, the Michigan Oil 
and Gas Association, the Michigan Chemical Council and the Honigman Law Firm.

And hey, maybe even John Engler can use cloning to get around
Michigan's term limitations?   But Engler might find greater potential
for increasing his effect on state government and national politics  if it
was a transgenic
process....say crossing/cloning Big John with a zebra mussel or a round gobi 
for maximum reproductive potential.   Then maybe George Bush the younger
will find him irresistable for a cabinet spot while still making sure those
unwashed Democrats or Jesse Ventura Wanabees don't take Michigan's
Governor mansion.

...so it goes...


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