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E-M:/ A bit of humor - the environmental kind

Enviro-Mich message from "Bonnie Shupe" <BONNIES@cannontwp.org>

I apologize already for breaking rules here, but I just had to share this with this group because it reflects so much on many of the topics we have shared.  I think humor (jokes) are probably forbidden, but I haven't read my "Rules of order" lately.  Enjoy!
Bonnie Shupe
"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
I've fed it, watered
it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway.  Now I'm
supposed to winterize
it?  I hope it's too late.  Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing
come up with outside of thong swimsuits!  We constantly battle dandelions,
Queen Anne's
lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can
grow grass that
must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency.

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about

"Frank you know all about gardens and nature.  What in the world is going
on down there in
the Midwest?  What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I
started eons
ago?  I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan.  Those plants grow in
any type of soil,
withstand drought and multiply with abandon.  The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms
attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.  I expected to
see a vast garden
of colors by now.  But all I see are these green rectangles."

"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.  The Suburbanites. They started
calling your
flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with

"Grass?  But it's so boring.  It's not colorful.  It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and
bees, only grubs and sod worms.  It's temperamental with temperatures.  Do
Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?"

"Apparently so, Lord.  They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each
spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in
the lawn."

"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the
Suburbanites happy."

"Apparently not, Lord.  As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
sometimes twice a week."

"They cut it?  Do they then bale it like hay?"

"Not exactly, Lord.  Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."

"They bag it?  Why?  Is it a cash crop?  Do they sell it?"

"No, sir.  Just the opposite.  They pay to throw it away."

"Now let me get this straight.  They fertilize grass so it will grow.  And
when it does
grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"

"Yes, sir."

"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up
the heat.  That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work."

"You aren't going believe this Lord.  When the grass stops growing so fast,
they drag out
hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay
to get rid of

"What nonsense!  At least they kept some of the trees.  That was a sheer
stroke of genius,
if I do say so myself.  The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide
beauty and shade in
the summer.  In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural
blanket to
keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes.  Plus, as they
rot, the leaves
form compost to enhance the soil.  It's a natural circle of life."

"You better sit down, Lord.  The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.  As
soon as the
leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away."

"No!  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and
keep the soil
moist and loose?"

"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call
mulch.  They haul
it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."

"And where do they get this mulch?"

"They cut down trees and grind them up."

"Enough!  I don't want to think about this anymore.  Saint Catherine,
you're in charge of
the arts.  What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"

"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."

"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."


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