[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
Re: Draft GLOS Proposal
- Subject: Re: Draft GLOS Proposal
- From: "J. David Rankin" <DRankin@glpf.org>
- Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2007 11:34:47 -0500
- Delivered-to: email@example.com
- Delivered-to: firstname.lastname@example.org
- In-reply-to: <email@example.com>
- Thread-index: Acd99iSA4TsSAhj8T6Olp3Q+L3ip+wAB/NDAAJHDYj0=
- Thread-topic: Draft GLOS Proposal
- User-agent: Microsoft-Entourage/11.3.3.061214
Title: Re: Draft GLOS Proposal
I have had the chance to read through the proposal. Unfortunately, I am not familiar with the call for proposals or the technical aspects of what you are proposing, so my comments/observations are limited to more general issues.
I strongly agree with Dale’s comments on tone. Take a pass through the proposal and eliminate the passive voice wherever you can. Be direct and clear about the what the GLOS will produce and the value of those products. The sections are also pretty uneven in terms of length, detail and specificity. They should be edited to read similarly, otherwise, it will appear that you have a couple of strong elements and a few weak elements that can be eliminated. This is a problem of appearance and presentation that can be fixed with the support of your working groups and a good editor.
The as yet unwritten problem and benefits section needs to be strong. The synergies need to be real, believable, and clearly stated. I strongly support Frank’s comments on this topic- add specifics about this system and its uses.
As I said, I am not familiar with NOAA’s call for proposals, but I expected to read about who NOAA would be investing in. I know that you have been engaging fabulous talent and assume that they are involved, but see no evidence of the depth and breath of that talent in the proposal. I’d emphasize both scientific talent, and the “user community” (hopefully identifying what they can do differently and better with the system in place.)
Sorry that this had to be so superficial. I hope it’s of some use.
On 4/13/07 2:34 PM, "Roger Gauthier" <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
Ladies/Gentlemen: The GLOS Board of Directors has reviewed the attached draft proposal that the Regional Association intends to submit to NOAA under the Regional Coastal Ocean Observing System (RCOOS) call for proposals. The GLOS Board seeks your comments on this proposal by close of business on Monday, April 16, 2007. I apologize for the lack of adequate review time on your part, but the GLOS team has been working diligently on vetting this document with as many prospective collaborators or affected users of GLOS products or services as well. Use of the MSWord Track Changes option would help expedite finish of the document on schedule.
Roger L. Gauthier
Interim Executive Director, Great Lakes Observing System
c/o Great Lakes Commission
2805 South Industrial Highway, Suite #100
Ann Arbor, MI 48104-6791
Office: 734-971-9135 x113
Vice President and Director of Programs
Great Lakes Protection Fund
1560 Sherman Avenue, Suite 880
Evanston Il 60201